August - New Moon 2021

The aching is a longing so deep it feels bound to my soul. Suddenly, like a switch that was flicked but didn’t have an obvious effect. There was difference I couldn’t place. He looked into my eyes. Too loving. Too filled with need. Too seen. Can’t. The only word I know any more. Can’t or won’t? Does it matter when it all means don’t?

Why did I trust you more than myself? How did I fool myself into thinking that trusting you was ancient wisdom? How did my fantasy run? So far. So far. So far. Why did the Universe suggest this path? What wisdom do you really represent?

You were not meant to simply be possibility.

How did that glow fade so quickly?

The stars say, stop fooling yourself.

I fooled myself into thinking that you were out there for me.

As if that is what I want. I’m stifled.

Tamed. And all I want is not to be.

I want to be wild.

Free.

Free to think with all my heart and head.

Free to follow intuition into crazy adventures.

Free to live my life as I see it.

He wants me to be sorry for wanting to feed my fire.

He wants me to be sorry for putting myself above all else.

He wants me to be sorry for breaking beyond where I thought I could be.

But I am not sorry.

I am sorry for not knowing sooner.

I am sorry for denying myself this long.

I am sorry that I am wild at heart and I do not want to tamed.

I’ve been getting my wild back for 2 years today.

I wish I had the courage to know what I do now at the beginning.

My highest self has the courage to be my lowest, to love my lowest.